Friday, February 19, 2010

Intimate Portrait: The front porch

Dear blog,

I have great news! It appears that my new roommate and my existing roommate have truly bonded. I was a little worried about whether or not they would get along, but check it out... It appears that they have been collaborating on some modern art.

Don't forget to click and enlarge these photos.
You really have to appreciate the attention to detail that went into this amazing work.

The really cool thing is that they have displayed their masterpiece right there on the front porch! Talk about a selfless act of kindness. They really do care about me, my clients and our neighbors.

Look at the way the light dances on the rim of the half spilled coke zero can. Notice how suggestively the white and black camel cigarette boxes flirt with one another. It's a subtle, yet provocative metaphor which speaks volumes about overcoming adversity in a society laden with racial tension.

I'm really looking forward to the opportunity to arise when a client asks about the fine art gallery on our front porch. I'll be choking back tears of joy and pride when I explain to them that it was my very own roommates that constructed this elaborate triumph in artistic prowess.

I would like to hereby take back every bad thing I ever said about cigarette smokers. They are misunderstood geniuses and should be revered for their contributions to society.

Thank you.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

That's a bad Pudding

Dear blog,

My roommate, as you may know, is the owner of a very overweight feline. This portly ass cat is endowed with quite a set of pipes. All day long while I'm working in my home office, both roommates are at work, and all animals are quietly living in harmony, it is a scene that could only be described as bliss.

When my roommate returns home from work, things take a sudden and drastic turn for the worse. Every time my roommate closes a door with that stinking cat on the opposite side of it, the torture begins.

It wouldn't be such a big deal if my roommate didn't have to go out front to smoke a delicious cancer stick every 20 minutes. The result is a cacophony of tortured, unnaturally loud, and incomprehensibly annoying ass fat bastard cat yowling!

I take solace in the notion that the furry menace is screaming for the sweet release of death. I have a good mind to give it to him.

Thank you