Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Psychotic cat has some sort of bowel condition

Dear blog,

There is something horribly wrong with my roommate's cat's digestive tract. I don't know what kind of sewer this cat has been eating out of, but there is no way this odor is normal.

Our house has what I believe is called an open floor plan. This means that the kitchen, dining room, and 2 living rooms are all different parts of a single open space. It is no exaggeration when I tell you that one nasty little cat log is enough to cause involuntary retching to any occupants of all 4 of these rooms.

To make matters worse, what do you suppose this disturbed feline does after delivering the goods? Does he obsessively bury his droppings like a normal cat? Hell no! He does his sinful business and then scrambles away from the payload like it's going to try and stuff itself back in!

One day, I will bury him.

Thank you.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Renege: To fail to carry out a promise or commitment.

Dear blog,

My roommate got angry about a recent grocery bill and decided to "succeed from the union" so to speak. Meaning that he's no longer involved when it comes to sharing groceries. Not a problem... he doesn't pay for them, he doesn't eat them. Fine.

I like to think I'm a pretty decent cook. Sometimes I actually amaze myself. This was the case when I made some stew out of leftover Thanksgiving turkey. Initially I was liberal about sharing my delicious stew. As my reserves dwindled, I grew a bit more stingy about it.

Yesterday, this particular roommate asked me if he could have some more of my stew. (I already offered him some on the day I made it, so he knew how delicious it was.) I told him that I was running low, but would let him have some of he washed the dishes. He agreed and began fumbling around with the mountain of dishes in the sink.

A few moments later, as I was heading out to run some errands, I noticed that he was no longer tending to the dishes and was sitting in the living room enjoying my stew.

When I returned later that evening, this was the scene in the kitchen...

Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say that my roommate is a liar and a thief... but hmmm...
He claimed that he was going to wash the dishes in exchange for the food that he neither paid for, nor helped prepare.
He then enjoyed the food and left the sink full of nasty dirty dishes.
So what's that make him? Oh... that would be A LIAR AND A THIEF!!!

Thank you.

The roommate in question claimed that he had to go to work, which was the reason why he couldn't do the dishes as promised. OK, that's understandable. I interpreted this claim as a promise to fulfill his obligation the next day. However, I grossly underestimated just how dastardly this thieving liar actually is. He has once again left for work and the disgusting pile of dirty dishes remains untouched.