Dear blog,
My roommate, as you may know, is the owner of a very overweight feline. This portly ass cat is endowed with quite a set of pipes. All day long while I'm working in my home office, both roommates are at work, and all animals are quietly living in harmony, it is a scene that could only be described as bliss.
When my roommate returns home from work, things take a sudden and drastic turn for the worse. Every time my roommate closes a door with that stinking cat on the opposite side of it, the torture begins.
It wouldn't be such a big deal if my roommate didn't have to go out front to smoke a delicious cancer stick every 20 minutes. The result is a cacophony of tortured, unnaturally loud, and incomprehensibly annoying ass fat bastard cat yowling!
I take solace in the notion that the furry menace is screaming for the sweet release of death. I have a good mind to give it to him.
Thank you
Showing posts with label Burdensome Animals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Burdensome Animals. Show all posts
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Thursday, November 26, 2009
The Cat from The Exorcist
Dear Blog,
There's a serious problem in this household. This problem is caused by a certain overweight feline. The cat in question's given name is "puddin'." However, due to his physique, I feel that the trailing g simply cannot be left out. Take a look for yourself...
The cat that ate the cat that ate the cat that I like to call Pudding.
Apparently this cat's insatiable hunger can never be satisfied. My guess is that when the cat's already basketball-sized stomach fills up, he doesn't take this as a cue to stop eating. The result, as you may have guessed, is an epidemic of regular regurgitation.
At any given moment, while minding your own business in our house, you may be treated to the violent retching sounds emitted by this abomination.
Pudding doesn't discriminate when it comes to where he does his grazing. He mosies from the dog's food bowl, to the other cat's food bowl, to the kitchen floor and then repeats throughout the day. Pudding is rather open-minded when it comes to his vomit receptacles too. He's been known to lay his burden down on the couch, on my roommate's bed, on the carpet, on the tile, on the rug - you name it!
Since there's no stifling the intermittent bile storms that Pudding unleashes, the best thing you can do is try and get him to the tile before he hurls. When you hear the first rising signs of Pudding's pre-rumination ritual, there is absolutely no time to waste! You have literally 3-7 seconds before the payload is delivered.
I try and try to coax him from the carpet and on to the tile before it's too late. I am seldom successful. I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed this manner of horror while in the middle of eating my breakfast. There is nothing more wretched, disgusting, and unappetizing than a the violent throes of an overweight feline purging his engorged abdomen.
Thank you.
There's a serious problem in this household. This problem is caused by a certain overweight feline. The cat in question's given name is "puddin'." However, due to his physique, I feel that the trailing g simply cannot be left out. Take a look for yourself...
The cat that ate the cat that ate the cat that I like to call Pudding.Apparently this cat's insatiable hunger can never be satisfied. My guess is that when the cat's already basketball-sized stomach fills up, he doesn't take this as a cue to stop eating. The result, as you may have guessed, is an epidemic of regular regurgitation.
At any given moment, while minding your own business in our house, you may be treated to the violent retching sounds emitted by this abomination.
Pudding doesn't discriminate when it comes to where he does his grazing. He mosies from the dog's food bowl, to the other cat's food bowl, to the kitchen floor and then repeats throughout the day. Pudding is rather open-minded when it comes to his vomit receptacles too. He's been known to lay his burden down on the couch, on my roommate's bed, on the carpet, on the tile, on the rug - you name it!
Since there's no stifling the intermittent bile storms that Pudding unleashes, the best thing you can do is try and get him to the tile before he hurls. When you hear the first rising signs of Pudding's pre-rumination ritual, there is absolutely no time to waste! You have literally 3-7 seconds before the payload is delivered.
I try and try to coax him from the carpet and on to the tile before it's too late. I am seldom successful. I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed this manner of horror while in the middle of eating my breakfast. There is nothing more wretched, disgusting, and unappetizing than a the violent throes of an overweight feline purging his engorged abdomen.
Thank you.
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